The benefits of talking to strangers
Most people spend part of every day surrounded by strangers, whether on their daily commute, sitting in a park, or visiting the supermarket.
Yet many of us remain in self-imposed isolation, believing that reaching out to a stranger would make you both feel uncomfortable.
These beliefs may be not justified. In fact, our research suggests that we may often underestimate the positive impact of connecting with others.
For example, having a conversation with a stranger, on your way to work may leave you both feeling happier than you think.
We asked bus and train commuters in Chicago how they would feel about striking up a conversation on their morning commute. Most thought that talking would lead to the least pleasant commute.
Our commuters estimated that only about 40% of their fellow train passengers would be willing to talk to them. Yet every participant in our experiment who actually tried to talk to a stranger found the person sitting next to them was happy to chat.
In fact, research suggests that we consistently underestimate how much a new person likes us following an initial conversation. Thinking others aren’t interested in talking, or won’t like you, are the very things that will keep you from making contact.
The inner lives of strangers
The positive impact even seems to spread to the person you talk to. In another experiment conducted in a waiting room, we found that not only did the people we encouraged to talk have a more pleasant experience, but so did the person they were asked to talk to. Separate experiments on buses and in taxis yielded similar results, individuals found connecting with strangers was surprisingly pleasant.
Of course, nobody appreciates unwanted attention.
But simply reaching out to a fellow human being to say hello may be better received than people realise. Few start a conversation with a stranger.
These brief connections with strangers are not likely to turn a life of misery into one of bliss. However, they can change unpleasant moments – like the grind of a daily commute – into something more pleasant. One reason may be that the experience of talking with others and hearing a stranger’s voice makes us realise they have a rich inner life of thoughts, emotions, and experiences.
Humans are inherently social animals, who are made happier and healthier when connected to others. Feeling isolated and lonely, in contrast, is a stress factor that poses a health risk comparable to smoking and obesity. Having positive social relationships has been put forward as a key ingredient for happiness.
Crossing divides
Professor Epley’s team has replicated the Chicago experiment with nearly 700 rail commuters on Greater Anglia’s lines into London for the BBC. He will offer early impressions of the results on Friday as part of Crossing Divides On the Move, a day when the BBC.
Initiatives include:
- Arriva distributing “conversation starter” cards via its national bus network, and encouraging passengers to “share a smile”
- Encouraging people from different backgrounds to mix on Translink Northern Ireland’s Glider service connecting East and West Belfast
Self-fulfilling expectations
You might imagine that only outgoing people would benefit more from connecting with others. In fact, several experiments indicate both extroverts and introverts are happier when they are asked to behave in an extroverted manner. We found that commuters tend to be happier when they talk to a stranger.
Although personality may not have a big effect on your experience of connecting with others, it may affect your expectations, with introverted personalities underestimating the positive consequences of interaction.
Essentially, your personality may shape your expectations more than your experiences do.
Our expectations can become self-fulfilling. This can keep us mistakenly isolated and disconnected from others.
Strangers sit next to each other on park benches staring at their phones, walk down city streets without smiling or saying “hello” to anyone.
Random acts of kindness
These misunderstandings extend beyond interaction on public transport to many areas of our lives, where we consistently give little importance to the positive impact of reaching out to others in general.
Those who write a thank-you letter, do random acts of kindness, or express compliments consistently, believe their recipient will be less happy than they actually are. Underestimating the positive impact of reaching out can keep us from being social enough for both our own, and others’, wellbeing. Our findings do not suggest that you should talk to every person you see, or that you should engage with everyone.
Instead, the next time you’d like to help a stranger with something, or strike up a conversation, simply give it a try.